As anybody who has read my works here on DA can probably guess, I have some gender issues. But, am I transexual?
Do I get to call myself that? Would others call me that?
It is not that I am afraid of the word. I have come a long way toward being comfortable with who I am and what I desire and need in my life. There is still a long way to go before I can be truly happy, but I suppose that is just the human condition.
I ask this question not because I am ashamed of potentially being best described as transexual, but because I don't want to appropriate a term that is not quite right. I don't want my own struggles (which are real and difficult for me) to in any way trivialize the life stories of others.
(I keep thinking of that scene in "Half Baked" where Dave Chapelle goes to rehab for pot and is heckled... I don't want it to be like that but with lipstick.)
I feel urges, needs, desires, and fantasies, but I have to keep most of it in the wonderful world of fiction. I can not imagine myself starting hormones or getting SRS. My life is such that I can not go out and present myself as female in public because it would tear down so much about my life that I do love that it would destroy me.
So, what is am I to do? Where do I fit in when I feel like I have a foot in both camps and probably could never be truly happy confined to just one?
I am pushing 40 and came of age in a world where all of these issues were buried so deeply in the closet that I didn't find them until I was in mid 20s. Labels are such wonderful things for helping people in a community find more people like themselves, but the labels can also be a intimidating while you try and find one that fits just right.